ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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