Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
