dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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