you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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