i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
