I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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