My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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