His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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