nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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