he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize