There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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