They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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