the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
