Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
