i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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