I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
