Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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