I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
