I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
