This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
