he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
