while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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