She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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