so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
of course. lets lasso hookers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
