Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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