he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
