maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I looked at my own cervix.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
