Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
