His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
