I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
