anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
