i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize