Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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