Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
