so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
