Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
