Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize