I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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