hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize