Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
