I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
