it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
