i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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