He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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