How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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