there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize