im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
