i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
