Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
that may or may not have been my penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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