I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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