alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
