I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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