ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
