saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
