he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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