I met the friendliest cop last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
