Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
