No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
