Im at strip club and am horny
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
