Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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