Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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