I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
