Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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