I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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