There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
