i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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