saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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