It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A bitchslap is in order.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
