If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
