I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
