i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize