she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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