I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's blow job season.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
