Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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