Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
