Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
