If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
