Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize