tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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